Dark dawn
by nonpiu
Summary: Someone is having a hard time in accepting Carter and Abby's engagement.


Summary: Someone isn't taking well Abby and Carter's engagement. Very dark and angsty.  
  
Ratings: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Up to "A boy falling out of the sky". Bear in mind that I haven't actually seen the episode.  
  
A/N: Just few things you might wanna know:  
  
I don't live in the US and haven't seen season 9 yet.  
  
English isn't my first language. Go easy on me but feel free to point out any mistake! I'm also looking for a beta-reader so if you wanna step in just let me know!  
  
I'm no doctor and I have no medical knowledge whatsoever. I tried to put a little medicine in this, though, so forgive my many mistakes.  
Dark dawn  
By Elisa  
Phrases that are now pointless, warm desires just stirred.  
The cork came out with a pop. The swoosh of the scotch poured into a glass. The noise of a bottle opened and the light splish of a pill falling into the liquid. She lay onto the couch and her slippers fell onto the floor with a light thud. The sound of the scotch being swallowed in one gulp.  
  
"Congratulations, John."  
  
Why the hell did she go to that damn restaurant? Because it was her parents' anniversary and Mother loved that restaurant. Why did they have to choose that place then? Who knows? It was a famous and posh restaurant. A typical place you expected to bump into the Carters in.  
  
She remembered perfectly how the food had gotten stuck into her throat when she had seen John and Abby kiss. She had started coughing violently while her eyes filled with tears, both because of the cough and the sadness. Father had patted her on her back while Mother had whined "Jing-Mei, a lady eats slowly, food wouldn't get stuck if you did that!"  
  
She had gulped down a glass of white wine, ignoring her, unable to take her eyes off the couple. Then she had seen the ring. They had gotten engaged. Her stomach had immediately tied into a tight knot and she hadn't been able to eat another single bite.  
  
The tinkle of the glass being put down and more scotch being poured into it. Another couple of pills splashed immediately afterwards.  
This doesn't amuse her anymore, he would probably start it all over again, instead.  
Luka breezed into the ER, whistling cheerfully. He was stuck with the graveyard again but, hell, you can't be in a bad mood always. He actually felt like a million bucks, so who cared about that damn shift?  
  
All the nurses were gathered around Abby and Lydia squeaked "Show us! Show us!".  
  
Abby gave in "Ok, but cut it out please."  
  
Everyone hugged her and cheered.  
  
"Congrats, Abby."  
  
"You're a lucky girl."  
  
"How did you manage to catch the most eligible bachelor of Chicago, huh?"  
  
"Congratulations!"  
  
"Have you already set a date?"  
  
"Hey, everyone!" Luka exclaimed "What's the big occasion, huh?"  
  
Abby looked him into the eye and said somewhat tentatively "Carter and I have gotten engaged."  
  
Luka swallowed hard but managed to say "Congratulations, I'm happy for you both."  
  
Then he hid out in the lounge. So much for his good mood. Softly banging his head against his locker he muttered "Great way to start the shift."  
Alibis that soften the obscenities reflected on empty bottles.  
What a nightmare! John and Abby.  
  
To tell the truth that nightmare had begun long before. Last may to be precise, during the lockdown. She was stuck in quarantine with Pratt, while Carter was with Abby. She couldn't imagine a worst scenario. Plus, she was dying to go to the ladies room. She was grimacing, trying not to moan in front of Pratt. She had looked away to try and distract herself, gazing through the glass of the door. And then she had seen them, kissing passionately. Now she felt nauseous too. She had thrown herself at Pratt as a reaction. Stupid idea, really, but she wasn't thinking clearly. She never did when it came to John.  
His years, full with opacity and respectability so you know there's something wrong.  
His shift was over, thank god. He couldn't stand Abby with that ecstatic dumb smile pasted on her face and Carter sneaking up behind her, thinking no one saw him, and kissing her every two seconds. He felt like he was about to throw up. He hadn't been able to eat anything, though. Since the news his stomach had refused to cooperate. He wasn't feeling hungry, anyway, he just wanted to get home as soon as he could and drown in alcohol.  
  
This was his fixed thought as he drove home, speeding well past the speed limit. He didn't care if he got a speeding ticket, he hadn't bought a fast car to drive it like a snail. He rolled down the window, he adored feeling the wind on his face. He pressed more on the gas pedal. He saw a car accident in the other lane but he accelerated again, uncaring of the possibility of ending up like a them.  
  
He didn't see the pool of engine oil that had spilled by the wrecked car and the tires of his car slipped on the road. He braked with all his force, but every effort was useless.  
  
He saw clearly that he was about to crash against a wall. Yet he didn't even try to open the door and jump off, not that he would have the time to do that. He saw Abby showing proudly her engagement ring and suddenly darkness seemed appealing to him. As his ears were filled with the loud noise of a crash and he felt nothing but blackness around Luka smiled.  
Night opens her fragile arms among sneaking feelings and entangling emotions.  
She felt so tired. Tired of being always alone, of fighting, of living.  
  
Yes, she didn't want to live, or drag herself through that never-ending pain that was her so-called life. She realized she didn't have anything, or better yet, anyone to go on for. The scotch splashed out of the glass when she poured all the contents of the medicine bottle in it.  
  
She shook the glass and drank it without the least doubt. She felt lightheaded as she slid happily into darkness at last.  
She confuses them often with her experience, for all the men being watched from down under.  
  
"Carter!" Susan yelled "There's an ambulance puling up. I might need your help, come on!"  
  
Carter stifled a yawn "Sorry. I'm pulling a double."  
  
"You saving up for the honeymoon already, huh?"  
  
"Not yet!"  
  
Paramedic Doris Pickman interrupted them. "Coming through! I got an attempted suicide. Woman in her early thirties, comatose and irresponsive, we don't know what she took. Pupils fixed and dilated. Hypotensive at 80 over 60."  
  
"Oh my god!" Susan cried.  
  
"Deb!" Carter echoed.  
  
"You know her?"  
  
"She works here!"  
  
Carter and Susan felt like it was a terrible flashback of what had happened nine years before, when Carol Hathaway had attempted suicide as well.  
  
"Ok, let's move her!" Susan took charge of the trauma, noticing Carter was too shocked. "On my count! One, two, three!"  
  
"I wanna 50 mgs of Narcan. Call respiratory."  
  
"You wanna pump her?" Carter asked, trying to focus on Deb as if she was just another patient.  
  
"Yup, I need blood gases, electrolytes and a CBC."  
  
"Get someone from Neuro down here stat!" Carter yelled.  
  
Susan swiftly intubated her and put a tube for a gastric lavage down her throat.  
  
"Serum barb is 45." Haleh announced sadly.  
  
"Could that be a mistake?" Carter asked, incredulous.  
  
"No, repeated twice."  
  
"She knew what she was doing." Susan declared.  
  
"Why? Why did she do it? Why her of all people?" Carter repeated, shaking his head.  
  
"Carter, you're shocked, you can step aside, if you want, I got it."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Pupils: mid-range and sluggish. BP 90 over 70."  
  
Kerry rushed into Trauma Two. "Oh my god! It is true! It's Chen!"  
  
"Her barbiturate level is 45 micrograms per millimeter. She's intubated and ready for hemoperfusion."  
  
"You think it's necessary, Susan?"  
  
"We gotta do everything we can, Kerry."  
  
"Of course."  
  
Kerry, seeing the situation was under control and Susan was more than capable of handling it without being too much emotionally involved, left the room.  
  
Carter was sitting right outside, clutching his stethoscope so hard his knuckles were white. Kerry sat down next to him.  
  
"I'm fine, Kerry."  
  
"Of course you're not, John, you're a close friend of Jing-Mei."  
  
"Why, Kerry? Why on earth she did it? Her, of all people. She was joking like always and then I met her at the restaurant with her parents. She seemed fine. Maybe a bit off but her mom always gets on her nerves, everything was normal."  
  
"We never ask with every other ODs. Don't do it even this time, it's better John." She left him, patting in on his shoulder, encouragingly.  
It lives on toxic things and hates when it's time to love.  
Carter was watching Deb, who seemed little and lost among the beeping machines. She hadn't regained consciousness yet and the situation didn't look good at all. Susan was right: she knew what she was doing. She was a doctor and knew exactly what to do to do it away with herself. John squeezed her hand tenderly. "I'm here, Deb. I won't leave you."  
  
"Carter!" Kerry yelled.  
  
"I wanna stay with Deb!"  
  
"I need you, it's Luka!"  
  
"What?"  
  
Zadro gave them the bullet "MVA, crashed against a wall, you should have seen his car: it was completely totaled. Head trauma, breathing difficulties, multiple fractures, intubated on the field. BP is 130 over 90."  
  
"Ok, we take it from here." Kerry stated "On my count, one, two, three!"  
  
"I want a head CT, spinal cord, pelvis and leg x-rays."  
  
"Diminished breath sounds on the right." Carter said, while probing Luka's chest with his stethoscope "Damn! Punctured lung."  
  
"CT and x-rays are here."  
  
"He's a bad concussion. Tib-fib fracture, both femurs are broken. Right arm is broken too as well a couple of little bones of the wrist. Three ribs broken, one of which punctured his lung."  
  
"Looks like he doesn't have many good bones left."  
  
"It's the concussion that worries me the most, Carter."  
  
"Pneumothorax!"  
  
"We gotta stabilize him!"  
  
"Did anyone call the next of kin?"  
  
"No, we don't know if he has relatives in the US."  
  
"Abby should know about it."  
  
"Call her, Carter!"  
  
Carter got out and grabbed a phone on the wall. He dialed his fiancé's number.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Abby, it's me."  
  
"Carter, what's up?"  
  
"Luka was in a MVA. He's here, he's got a bad concussion and a lot of broken bones."  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"You know the number of his father?"  
  
"No, but he has got the address written behind a picture taped in his locker."  
  
"Ok, we'll trace the number from that. Gotta go, I won't be home tonight. Deb's here as well. She attempted suicide on barbiturates."  
  
"My God! Do you want me to come, Carter?"  
  
"I don't know, Abby. All I know is I've felt this bad only once in my life before."  
  
Abby knew he referred to Lucy's death.  
  
"Bye."  
  
"I'm coming."  
  
He hang up and noticed he had tears rolling down his cheeks.  
It lives on toxic things and hates when it's time to scream.  
So dying felt like this. He felt weightless and peaceful for the first time in years. He hoped he was in heaven because that was where his children were. No more pain, no more Abby. He would be with Danijela again.  
  
"Luka!"  
  
A voice was calling him. It wasn't Danijela's, though. It was Abby.  
  
"Luka! Luka, open your eyes come on!"  
  
His eyelids felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each. With an enormous effort he opened his eyes. His vision was blurry at first, but when things came back into focus he saw Abby bent over him, smiling relieved. She squeezed his hand.  
  
"Luka, are you ok? Do you understand what I'm saying? Squeeze my hand if you do."  
  
All his body ached as his fingers closed around Abby's warm flesh. She smiled again.  
  
"I don't know if you remember it, but you war in an accident. I'm afraid your car is nothing more than a bunch of crooked metal now, but who gives a damn? The important is you're ok. You gave me a big scare, you know. Carter called me and told me you were here and I almost had a heart attack."  
  
Luka smiled weakly and turned his head. Through the glass of the door he saw Chen laying on the table in Trauma Two. Carter seemed to be talking to her but she avoided his eyes. Her stare looked lost and pained and Luka knew at once. His same desperation was in his colleague's eyes.  
  
Abby intercepted his gaze. "Dr. Chen attempted suicide."  
  
"I know."  
  
"What? How would you know about it?"  
  
"I meant I know why she did it."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Never mind, Abby, forget it."  
  
"It was a pretty nasty blow to the head, Luka, I think you're still confused. You don't know what you're saying."  
  
I perfectly know what I am saying, Luka thought but nodded again. He closed his eyes because his eyelids were really too heavy to be kept open long. Abby moved but Luka squeezed her hand, whishing he hadn't a tube in his throat.  
  
Abby understood, though.  
  
"Sleep, Luka, you need it but I'll stay here, ok?"  
  
Luka smiled and finally slid into a quiet sleep.  
Useless clothes by famous stylists make up for a missing love.  
He studied her face closely, listening to her almost inaudible breath, covered by the loud beeping of the machines. She was beautiful, he had always known, but her features now were distended in a sad and surreal sleep. Deb reminded him of the Sleeping Beauty. Hoping this could help her, he softly kissed her on her lips. His nose still close to her face, he smelled her sweet vanilla scent. He breathed in deeply, lingering in that perfume he liked so much.  
  
"Deb" he whispered "Please wake up. I need you, you're my best friend."  
  
He felt a hand on his arm and for a moment he thought she had woken up. The delusion in his eyes was evident when he turned and saw Abby. Abby couldn't help grimacing seeing this, even if she knew he was just worried for his friend.  
  
"Carter, I have good news. Luka has woken up. They'll discharge him in a few hours, since there are no complications from his concussion, luckily."  
  
"Good." Carter replied, not sounding too excited about it. He was glad for Kovac but he cared more for Deb.  
  
"Listen, I wanna take him home. He will practically be a whole cast since he had so many fractures and he'll need a wheelchair. Not to mention that he'll have only a good arm. He'll need help and he has no relatives here."  
  
"Sure, go whatever." Carter said, his annoyance evident.  
  
"Carter, he's just a friend."  
  
"A friend in need is a friend indeed." Carter replied sarcastically.  
  
"You're not funny."  
  
"I wasn't joking."  
  
"Besides I take it that you'll be here at the hospital for the next days."  
  
"Of course I will, we don't know yet if she'll ever wake up!"  
  
"No need to get mad at me Carter! I knew you were gonna stay here, no doubt!"  
  
"What? Do I detect a hint of annoyance here? She's my best friend!"  
  
"So is Luka for me, so?"  
  
"It's not some kind of competition, Abby."  
  
"Yeah, and there are no A and B friends here, Carter."  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
" You thought it, though."  
  
"Since when you can read my mind, huh?"  
  
"What you think it's pretty obvious, Carter. You don't like Luka."  
  
"I never made a mystery of that."  
  
"He's injured for Christ's sake!"  
  
"Deb is in a coma, so?"  
  
"I thought there wasn't a competition going on here, Carter. Forget it, I'm outta here."  
  
"Don't bother to come home tonight. I won't be there!"  
  
"Fine, I'll sleep at Luka's!"  
  
"Or with Luka." Carter muttered. "I don't care. Deb needs me now."  
Good manners, always the same, you've always known there's something wrong.  
Abby fumbled with Luka's keys. He was spinning on his wheelchair "You having fun? I'm glad."  
  
"It's the big one. Gotta find the bright side of every situation."  
  
"You weren't this wise when we went out together." Abby said, finally opening the door.  
  
"I'm a changed man. When I saw that wall I had an epiphany." Luka quipped. He was in a good mood since he had Abby with him, even if for a couple of days.  
  
"Want me to cook you something?"  
  
"Nah, we can order out. You don't have to cook, or wash anything. You shouldn't even be here. How about pizza?"  
  
"Pizza sounds good. I want to help you Luka, I'm happy to be here."  
  
"Bet Carter doesn't agree with you on that. You still like pepperoni?"  
  
"You're right, both times. And you're still crazy for cheese pizza right?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I'm glad some things never change." She grabbed the phone "Hello, I'd like to order a large half pepperoni half cheese pizza. A beer and a coke too. Ok, bye."  
  
Luka was wrestling to take off his jacket, to no avail.  
  
"Stop that, Luka! You'll break another bone!" Abby exclaimed laughing. "Here, let me help you."  
  
Luka shook his head. "I feel like a little kid. I feel so stupid!"  
  
"Don't worry, all men are nothing but kids not quite grown up."  
  
"We just pretend we are to let you women feel superior, you like it so much."  
  
"You're damn good actors, then!"  
  
Luka, who had managed to move from the wheelchair to his couch with a lot of fatigue, threw a cushion that was there at her. She chuckled and threw it back at him.  
  
"Ouch! I'm all broken, remember?"  
  
"Too bad, 'cause you started it!"  
Night's smile has fragile teeth for all the kicks she' gonna feel.  
Carter was standing in a cemetery, with a small group of people gathered around a newly dug grave. An old priest spoke "We are all gathered here to commemorate our dearly beloved, Jing-Mei, who was taken from us so early in her young life. We must however remember that our life are nothing but in the hands of Our Heavenly Father who created us and has therefore the right to call us back to him whenever it pleases him. We once were dust and we will become dust again."  
  
"Noooo!" Carter woke with a start. It was just a dream, a bad dream, a nightmare. He was still at Deb's side.  
  
"Hey, you startled me!"  
  
Carter's eyes grew big in surprise. Looking pale and exhausted but definitely alive was Deb, who was trying to sit up on her bed.  
  
"Thank God, you're awake Deb!" he exclaimed and hugged her tightly.  
  
"John, I see you're happy but you're chocking me!"  
  
"Sorry, but I'm so happy, Deb! You really don't know how happy I am. Here, let me help you." He put a couple of pillows behind her back and helped her sat up.  
  
"I'm happy too, John."  
  
"How are you feeling, Deb?"  
  
"Extremely tired but overall fine I guess, considering I'm a zombie or something close to it. How did you pull me back from the other side, huh?"  
  
"You were tough-and-go for a while but Susan didn't give up. She hemoperfused you and got you back. I'm glad you're joking about this nightmare I certainly couldn't."  
  
"You have a horrible sense of humor, John, I have always known it."  
  
"Given the circumstances I guess we could say you have a very black sense of humor, yourself. I'll call Susan, she certainly would wanna see this fascinoma, this Lazarus resuscitated. I'll be back soon."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere, John!"  
  
"Hey, glad to see you awake. We have wasted too much time and energies on you to lose you like that, Jing-Mei." Susan greeted her.  
  
"Hi, Susan."  
  
"John, do you mind if I steal her from you for a while and have her checked out and maybe get her a head CT too?"  
  
"No, go on, just don't take too long."  
She generally doesn't give much confidence to those who think too highly of themselves.  
As Deb was with Susan Carter took the chance of getting out for a bit of fresh air. Right outside the hospital Pratt was shooting hoops. Carter approached him.  
  
"Hey, do you feel like a one-on-one?"  
  
"Sure." Pratt said tossing him the ball with a great deal of force.  
  
"Nah," Carter threw him the ball back, challenging. "Your ball."  
  
"Too bad for you, Carter." He ran towards the basket and scored his first point. "Gotta be faster, man."  
  
"I thought you were off." Carter said, bouncing the ball. "What are you still doing here?"  
  
"Following the post-op on Corday's patients. She always rushes home to her baby and get me stuck with them."  
  
"Not waiting on good news on your girlfriend? She's wakened up, by the way." Cater said, trying to dribble him.  
  
Pratt shifted to one side to the other, not letting him pass "Jing-Mei's not my woman. We went out together a couple of times, that's it. No big deal."  
  
"You're a fool." Carter finally managed to get past him and score. "Ah-ah!"  
  
"What do you mean, man?"  
  
"She's an amazing woman you shouldn't let her go like that. You're a fool."  
  
"Why don't you date her, huh? She's really into you, I'm sure. Instead of taking this pearl, you go out -are engaged- with Nurse Doom and Gloom."  
  
"What? Abby's not like that." He spat back trying to steal him the ball, although that description was somewhat good for her. "Besides Deb doesn't like me."  
  
"Man, you really need a pair of glasses, then. She literally eats you with her eyes."  
  
"Bullshit!" Carter snatched the ball and scored "Four for me, three for you! Gotta talk less and act more, Pratt!"  
  
"I can bet anything that she'd go out with you if she had the chance, even the score of this match!"  
  
Pratt took the ball, dribbled him and bounced it all the way to the basket, scoring a three points hoop. Carter attacked then but Pratt snatched the ball again and scored another time. Carter scored then but his opponent scored three times then. Pratt was definitely better at b-ball than him. The sound of an ambulance pulling up interrupted them. Pratt tossed the ball aside.  
  
"I'll get this, you go back to Jing-Mei. She loves you by the way, I won."  
  
Carter left him, looking at him quizzically.  
It lives on toxic things and hates when it's time to love.  
Rubbing his stomach satisfied Luka stated "Ah, that pizza was delicious. Now I feel definitely better."  
  
Abby nodded as she cleared the table "Yeah, Gino's the best in town. Too bad Carter doesn't like his pizza. He always orders out from another takeaway."  
  
Luka laughed.  
  
Abby frowned "What's so funny, huh?"  
  
"Nothing, it's just that you keep calling your husband-to-be Carter. It's weird."  
"Old habits die hard. Besides you're rushing things a bit we're not getting married. Yet."  
"But you will son. Can you imagine the priest saying 'Do you Abby take Carter to love him and respect him yadda, yadda, yadda', huh?"  
  
Abby laughed as well. "Sounds better than John Truman III, don't you think?"  
  
"You go out with one of the richest man in town, gotta get used to it. Your son's name is gonna be John Truman IV with all likelihood."  
  
"Hey, already told you your rushing into things too much!"  
  
"The Carters would wanna a heir soon!"  
  
"I'm not sure Millicent would wanna anything from me, let alone me marrying her favorite grandson!"  
  
"Carter chose you, though, so she can't do anything about it."  
  
"Except cutting him out from her will!"  
  
"Is she so bad, huh?"  
  
"And you have never met Carter's mom! The air actually get cooler when she enters a room!"  
  
Luka laughed.  
  
"I don't wanna talk about Carter or his terrifying family, though, Luka."  
  
"By the way, you should probably call him. It's almost midnight, you know."  
  
"Nah, he's probably still at the hospital with Chen."  
  
"I detect some tension here. I'm right, aren't I?"  
  
"Nothing. He had the guts to make a scene because I was staying with you while he is with her!"  
  
"They're just good friends. You've got nothing to worry about."  
  
"I'm a woman, I can sense some things. Have you ever noticed the way she looks at him?"  
  
"You're right, maybe."  
  
"I'm always right, remember? We broke up because you couldn't take it!"  
  
"I recall a different version of facts, it's all the same, though. Abby call him and kiss and make up, come on."  
  
"Ok." She grabbed the phone and dialed a number "It's the machine, told you!" she said, turning to him for a moment. "Hi, it's me. I'm at Luka's, we're both ok."  
  
"I doubt Carter could care less about me!"  
  
Abby chuckled "I'll stay here for tonight, as I told you. Hope Chen is ok. Call me when you get home, ok? And I'm sorry about earlier. We're two jealous fools, aren't we? Love ya, bye."  
  
"Good girl." Luka said, patting her on her back.  
  
"I'm a good and tired girl indeed. We should go to bed both. It was a rough day for you too. I'll sleep on the couch."  
  
"You complained all the time about it last time you were here."  
  
"Yeah, but do I have any other choice?"  
  
"We could sleep both in my bed, you know. We're both adults and it's not like I can make an attempt on your virtue like this!" Luka said, pointing with his only good hand to his body that was half in a cast.  
  
Abby chuckled "Ok."  
It lives on toxic things and hates when it's time to scream.  
Susan wheeled Deb back to her room, where Carter was still waiting for her.  
"What are you still doing here, John? It's almost one AM!"  
  
"I won't leave you now."  
  
"What about Abby?" she replied, actually delighted he was there.  
  
"She's with Luka. He was in a car accident. He's broken a lot of bones but he's all right."  
  
"I'm glad to hear that." Deb replied, referring, to both Luka's condition and Abby's absence.  
  
"Look, your mom's here. I sent her to take a coffee but shell be back soon."  
  
"Oh God," Deb groaned "I can't see her right now. Get rid of her John, please."  
  
"You need to talk about this all with someone. I put off the psych consult only because it's you and your mom is-"  
  
"-the last person I would wanna talk about this all with!"  
  
"Ok, I'll tell her you're asleep."  
  
Carter was back a few seconds later. "She's gone."  
  
"Thanks, John, I really couldn't stand Mother right now."  
  
"Listen if you want to talk about this I'm all ears."  
  
"Thanks John, but I'm not ready yet."  
  
"But when you are I'm here ok?"  
  
Jing-Mei smiled "I know. You're always there for me. You can go home now, I'm fine, really."  
  
"No, besides Abby's not there. And even if she were we have had a fight, so."  
  
"What about? Don't tell me you were jealous of Luka!"  
  
"Yes, and she was jealous of you! That's incredible!"  
  
Jing-Mei shook her head, sad that he couldn't think she felt something for him. He really didn't look at her in that light. "You should call her and apologize, John."  
  
"Why me?"  
  
"Don't be a child, John!"  
  
"Ok, ok." Carter took out his cell phone. "Hi, honey, it's me, John. I'm still at the hospital. Deb is fine, by the way. She actually made me call you. Anyway, I'm sorry about our fight. See you tomorrow, ok? Miss ya."  
  
"You shouldn't have told her I got you to phone her!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You really don't understand a thing of women's psychology!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Jing-Mei laughed but suddenly stopped. "Ouch!"  
  
"What was that, Deb?" asked Carter, worried.  
  
"A stab of pain in my side."  
  
Carter pulled up her hospital gown and inspected her flat belly. Then he started feeling her side with his hand. The contact with his warm skin made her wince.  
  
"Here? What about here?"  
  
"There, if you massage it, it's better though. It's more on the back really."  
  
"Roll over."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just do it."  
  
She did it and he started massaging her bare back. Starting from her shoulders he went all the way down, lingering dangerously on the edge between her lower back and her butt. He had to admit she had the most marvelous ass.  
  
"There!" she moaned with pleasure. She arched her back like a cat purring.  
  
He couldn't help noticing how easy it would be in that moment slip off her panties. Whoa! What was he thinking about? That was his gorgeous best friend Deb! He withdrew his hands.  
  
"Why did you stop? It was heaven!" she exclaimed, delusion evident in her tone.  
  
"Uhm," he cleared his throat since his voice was raspy with desire. "It's really late you should sleep, Deb."  
  
"You're right. Could you stay a bit longer, though, John?"  
  
"Sure." He said pulling his chair closer to the bed.  
  
They both closed their eyes. Carter was snoring loudly soon afterwards. Deb couldn't help laughing. His head hang dangerously forward until it woke Carter with a spasm.  
  
"You must be really uncomfortable, John."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Come here," she said shifting on the side of the bed "We'll be a bit squeezed up but it's always better than that chair."  
  
"You need to sleep well, Deb."  
  
"So do you!" she said authoritatively.  
  
Carter gave in and lay next to her. His feet dangled out of the side of the bed but he was more comfortable than before. After a few minutes he felt Deb was sound asleep. He adjusted a bit, preparing to sleep himself, when he felt her snuggle close to him. At first he was surprised but the realized that the warmth of her body next to him was pleasant. He was smiling when he fell asleep.  
Just one thing I know for sure, I would wanna scrape my rage against this wall.  
Luka woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty. When he realized he wasn't alone in his bed a warm and fuzzy feeling pervaded him. Abby was there, like the old times. Suddenly he wasn't thirsty anymore. He just stayed there, feeling her soothing breathe. Then thirst got the better of him so he got up more silently than he could and tried to reach his wheelchair. It wasn't easy though and he managed to knock off the lamp on his nightstand.  
  
"Shit!"  
  
Abby woke up and turned on her lamp. "What's wrong, Luka?"  
  
"I didn't want to wake you up, sorry. I just wanted to get a glass of water."  
  
"You should have, instead."  
  
She got up and went into the kitchen to fetch him some water.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"No problem. You having troubles getting some sleep?"  
  
"A bit."  
  
"Why? Can I help you?"  
  
"I'm afraid not. I'm cold but all my spare blankets are at the dry cleaner's. It's June after all."  
  
"I think I can help you after all." Abby curled up closer to him and wrapped her arms around him, her chest glued to his back. "Is it better now?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Good." She turned off the light and rested her head on his shoulder. She was soon asleep.  
  
Luka, instead, lay like that, awake, for a long time, wanting to enjoy that sensation he had missed so much as long as he could.  
Just one thing I know for sure, I wanna throw all my pain on this wall.  
When he woke up Carter was hugging tightly Abby. With his eyes still closed he brushed his lips tenderly against hers. Her scent was different from usual, it was vanilla. He opened his eyes and saw he was kissing Deb instead. Before he could do anything Deb opened her mouth and insinuated her tongue in his. They were devouring each other's mouth soon. Carter was shocked but the tornado of feelings and sensations he was experiencing didn't let him stop. They made love desperately. As he climaxed he knew he had never felt like this before, not even with Abby. He collapsed on top of her and gently swept away a lock of hair from her damp forehead. She smiled and kissed him tenderly.  
  
He sat up on the bed, feeling dazed and confused.  
  
"Err, I really shouldn't be here Deb." He got up and picked up his clothes scattered on the floor.  
  
Jing-Mei looked away, hurt. "Sure. Could you please give me my gown?" she said without looking into his eyes, bracing herself, shivering in the cold.  
He handed her the gown and saw how hurt she was.  
  
"Look, Deb, I'm sorry, it's my fault you were shocked and I took advantage of the situation."  
  
Jing-Mei slid the gown over the head "I'm not mentally instable yet and it takes two to do what we did, so don't apologize. Just go now, please."  
  
"Yeah." Carter replied kissing her on the cheek before closing the door behind him.  
I know for sure, I'll let my face scratch against this wall, just one thing I know for sure, I would wanna threw all my pain against this wall.  
When Luka woke up the following day an inviting smell filled his nostrils. Right then Abby entered the bedroom, carrying a tray with his breakfast on. "Good morning, you sleepyhead. Here's your breakfast. Coffee, toasts and some orange juice."  
  
"Thank you Abby. You're great."  
  
"I'm a nurse. Taking care of people is my job, after all."  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"A little past nine. Why?"  
  
"You really should go home now. Carter must be waiting for you."  
  
"You want to throw me out or what? I tried to call him earlier but he wasn't home yet. I bet he'll stay at the hospital until Chen is discharged. Maybe he'll take her home too."  
  
"You know I love having you around."  
  
"Then stop talking about Carter. By the way, your dad called earlier, or at least I think it was him because I couldn't understand a word he was saying. I kept screaming 'Luka ok' in the receiver, I hope he got that."  
  
"Ok luckily is an international word."  
  
"I thought so."  
  
"What time are you on?"  
  
"I'm stuck with the graveyard again, so I'm all yours until tonight, you happy about it?"  
  
She couldn't imagine how happy he actually was.  
  
"While you slept I got out and bought you some magazines, newspapers and books. I thought they would come in handy since you'll be stuck at home for the next month or so."  
  
"Thank you. I'll be bored to death before they get all these casts off me, I'm afraid."  
  
"I'll drop by to make sure you're not, ok?" Abby chuckled.  
Mouths full of possibility, they throw glances around.  
When Abby dropped home before going to work Carter was there, sitting on the couch with a gloomy face. She tossed her key on the table and sat next to him.  
  
"Hey what's wrong? Chen is not doing good?" she kissed him but he didn't respond.  
  
"No, Deb is fine, luckily."  
  
"Then what? You look like someone's dead."  
  
Carter looked into her eyes with a dark and serious face. "There's something you need to know. I, I-I, I slept with Deb."  
  
"What?" she cried bolting to her feet.  
  
"I'm sorry she was distraught and I-"  
  
"You were worried about me staying at Luka's and you slept with Chen? Is this some kind of revenge, huh?"  
  
"Look, I'm sorry, it was a big, big mistake I didn't mean to-"  
  
"I don't care what you meant! You cheated on me!"  
  
"I know and I'm so sorry Abby, pleas I-"  
  
"What's wrong with me? Am I a magnet for cheats or what?"  
  
"I'm sorry and I told you about it so-"  
  
"Yeah, how come the idea of telling me popped in that sick mind of yours, huh?"  
  
"I had to, I couldn't pretend that everything was fine, Abby!"  
  
"Everything was fine before you fucked Chen! Or not, was it?"  
  
"We had our problems, but I guess we were fine, though."  
  
"What problems, huh?"  
  
"Well, your drinking for once, or the fact my family isn't enthusiastic about our engagement and-"  
  
"What does your family have to do with this, now? And why does everything always have to do with me?"  
  
"I said the first things that popped into my head, I didn't-"  
  
"That's exactly your problem, Mr. Act-first-think-later, but of course, you never do anything wrong. I should consider myself lucky that you chose to date me huh? I'm not up to you, that's why your stuck-up grandmother can't stand me, I'm right, am I?"  
  
"Gamma isn't stuck-up and don't dare drag her into this nor insult her, Abby!"  
  
"Uh-huh, touchy subject, isn't it?"  
  
"Leave her outta this, this is between you and me!"  
  
"Precisely!"  
  
"Abby, please, I'm sorry, do I have to kneel down and beg you to accept my apologies? I'm ready to do that if that's what you want."  
  
"You know what, Carter? I don't give a damn about your apologies!"  
  
"Please, Abby, why don't you tell me what I gotta do?"  
  
"We women don't say what we want, but we reserve the right of be pissed off if we don't get it, right, Carter?" She grabbed her jacket and slammed the door behind her. Carter followed her down the stairs.  
  
"Abby, where the hell are you going?"  
  
"I don't know but I wouldn't tell you if I did!" she yelled back.  
  
"Please Abby, don't go! We have to talk!"  
  
"I went through all this shit with Richard already, remember? I can't do it another time!"  
  
She was gone.  
The air is overfilled, she almost would wanna to be caught.  
Carter wandered, walking on the streets of Chicago without really knowing where to go. He had a terrible felling about him and Abby. She wondered where she had gone. In that very moment he realized he was in front of the hospital. He wasn't surprised, that place was the only place he had always referred to as home. Feeling the cold wind penetrate his coat he entered Doc Magoo's to have a cup of a hot drink. He ordered a tea and looked around to see where to sit.  
  
In a booth by the window was Deb.  
  
He approached "Is this seat taken?"  
  
"No, go on, sit down, John." She seemed nor happy or angry to him, just extremely sad and lonely.  
  
"Look Deb, I'm sorry about what happened earlier I-"  
  
"Shush," she put her index on his lips "Let's pretend nothing happened. You're my best friend, I'd rather die than losing you."  
  
"Don't be so melodramatic, Deb! I'm happy you think so, though. We're ok then?" he said outstretching a hand for her to shake in a peace sign.  
  
She took it. "Sure. Friends like always."  
  
"What are you doing here, Deb?"  
  
"I didn't feel like going home to an empty apartment."  
  
"Yeah, me too."  
  
"What about Abby?"  
  
"We had a fight and she went out. Don't know where she is."  
  
"Was it because of me? Hope not."  
  
"Actually yes. I think we have broken up."  
  
"Now you really made me feel guilt!"  
  
"It's not your fault. It's not like we hadn't any problem before. It was the classic one drop too many. I guess."  
  
"I'm sorry all the same. You had just gotten engaged."  
  
"I think I had just proposed because we were stalling. We were at a crossroad and I felt like I had to do something, anything really."  
  
"Come on! You love Abby!"  
  
"I do but maybe we weren't meant to be. That's what Gamma kept telling me and she is usually right. She thought we both had a too big and similar baggage, me with my addiction and her with her alcoholism."  
  
"You just had something in common. You helped each other through hard times."  
  
"She wouldn't wanna be my sponsor at first because women and men aren't supposed to be sponsoring each other. They often develop this kind of codependency that is easily mistaken for love. I guess it is true."  
  
"If you say so. I don't believe it though. You pined about her for the longest time."  
  
"See? It wasn't an healthy relationship right from the start."  
  
"I don't think so. But you can go on if it makes you feel better, John."  
  
"See, I couldn't lose this, I mean, talking to you is the greatest thing ever, Deb."  
She would wanna throw herself to the lions just before starting again.  
Luka heard someone knocking on his door. He got onto his wheelchair and got to the door. There was a second loud knock.  
  
"I'm coming!"  
  
He opened the door only to find Abby standing there, dark faced and on the verge of tears.  
  
"Hey, come on in. Sorry it took me so long to get here but I'm not used to using this wheelchair yet. What happened to you, Abby? You look terrible."  
  
"That son of a bitch of Carter slept with Chen!"  
  
"What? Are you sure?"  
  
"He had the gut to tell me all about it!"  
  
"At least he had the decency to tell you the truth. He could have lied to you."  
  
"You're taking his side? I came here to see a friendly face!"  
  
"Ok, right, Carter is a big, lying, cheating, fucking, jag off, motherfucker, fucking, bastard."  
  
Abby chuckled "You already said fucking."  
  
"It reinforced the concept."  
  
Abby chuckled again. "Thanks, I feel better now." Then she looked at him with horror "Damn! I forgot I was on tonight!"  
  
Luka gave her the phone "Call in sick then."  
  
"Hi, it's Abby Lockhart here. I'm coming down with something, I won't be coming in tonight. Ok, thanks, bye."  
  
"You had dinner already?"  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Good, you up for another wonderful Gino's pizza?"  
  
"You betcha. Now that Carter and I aren't an item anymore I can order at Gino's again. Guess every situation has its drawbacks and advantages."  
  
"You're telling me you actually broke up?"  
  
"I guess so. We had this very ugly, huge fight and I walked out on him. Plus I had more than my fare share of cheating with Richard. I'm not sure I'm ready to overlook that."  
  
"It will take you just some time. Pepperoni again?"  
  
"Uh-huh. I'm not so sure about that, Luka."  
  
"Come on, you are engaged!"  
  
"I already had a failed marriage, one more reason not to walk into another one, don't you think?"  
  
"So you and Carter are doomed?"  
  
"History is more like it. I could have forgiven him pretty much anything but cheating."  
  
"Are you gonna give him back that rock, huh?" Luka asked pointing to her engagement ring.  
  
"No I like it and he gave it to me as a present. I guess I won't wear it all the time, though."  
  
"You're so venal, don't you know it Abby?"  
  
"Another thing I learnt from Richard."  
  
"See, not everything is completely bad, something good can always come out of it."  
  
"Spare me your pearls of wisdom, Luka. What would you know about marriage, huh?"  
  
Luka's eyes saddened.  
  
"Luka I'm sorry about that, I wasn't thinking, I-"  
  
"No problem. So, I'll call Gino's."  
  
Abby walked a bit around the room while Luka made the phone call. He returned with a goofy-happy smile on his face. Abby couldn't help smiling. It had been ages since she had seen him this happy.  
  
"What?" Luka asked quizzically "Why are you looking at me that way, Abby? Did I grow something horrible on my nose or what, huh?"  
  
"Nothing," she chuckled "Forget it, Luka."  
  
"Well, pizza's on its way."  
  
"Do you feel like renting a video, Abby? I was thinking of doing that."  
  
"Sure, why not? No cheesy soppy romantic comedies, though, I'm not in the mood for Meg Ryan finding the love of her life, not tonight. And not one of those abstruse and profound independent European movies you like so much. Some plain action please. A girl killing off her fiancé would be great."  
  
"Mmm.what about Scream? There's two film of that at least, and there's a killer on the loose, he is bound to kill off someone's fiancé sooner or later."  
  
"Sure. I'll go get the cassette while we wait for the pizza."  
  
Half an hour later Abby was back and the pizza was there. They ate quickly the delicious pizza. Then they sat on the sofa and Abby made sure Luka was comfortable with both his legs on two piles of cushions. Then she curled up next to him. She had rented Scream 1 and 2 so they were equipped for a movie marathon. Every once in a while, during the goriest scenes, she screamed and buried her face in Luka's chest.  
  
Luka laughed "You're a nurse in the ER, Abby, you're supposed to know better than being squeamish of blood!" she definitely wasn't one for horror movies.  
  
"It's not the blood I have troubles with, it's the slaughtering! Aaaaah!" she yelled again when the murderer dug his knife in an innocent schoolgirl and she dug her own fingers in Luka's arm, hiding her face behind his shoulder.  
  
"Ouch! Pay more attention, Abby! That's my bad arm!"  
  
"Oh, sorry!"  
  
The movies dragged late into the night. When even the second one was over Luka realized Abby was sound asleep with her head on his lap. He couldn't move without waking her up. With some difficulties he reached a blanket that was nearby and caringly covered Abby. Then he took a pillow from under his foot and put it on the sofa, under his head. With Abby's soothing breathe to lull him it didn't take him long to fall asleep as well.  
He won't come home tonight, riding towards nowhere.  
Deb and Carter shared a heartedly smile. TThen he grabbed the menu.  
  
"Come on! I'll buy you dinner, I need to thank you for lending me a sympathetic ear."  
  
"Anytime John. I'm not really hungry but a sundae won't be a bad idea. Wanna split?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
The waiter came, took their ordination and then returned with their sundae. Carter quickly devoured his half while Deb was just nibbling hers.  
  
"Hey Deb, what's up? Cheer up!"  
  
"Nothing, John, I just feel guilty because if you and Abby broke up it's partly my fault at least. And you shouldn't be here. You'd better start looking for her everywhere."  
  
"Deb you don't have to worry about me and my love life. Who cares about it now? I certainly don't. What's important now is that you're fine, maybe a bit depressed. I'm here to listen and jolly you along."  
  
"John you don't have to. You really need to be thinking about Abby if she left you."  
  
"Look, you don't see me crying a river, right? Sometimes in life it's your duty to help a friend and cheer them up, making them feel better. And this is my job and priority now."  
  
"Thank you John." She said with one of her beautiful smiles that made him melt on the spot.  
  
"Anytime, Deb. The fact that I find you moderately attractive just makes the job easier on my part."  
  
"Moderately attractive, huh?" she asked, pretending to be offended. She was fighting hard to prevent herself from doing a happy dance, instead.  
  
"Yeah, and if you smile and drop the brooding face and the droopy shoulders I'll give you another mark. But I won't try to take advantage of the situation. This time. I hope. Anyway, now that the rules are clear what are you doing, say, tomorrow night?"  
  
"Uhm, probably killing myself, why?"  
  
"Great! What time does that finish? I'd like to take you out to dinner afterwards."  
  
"Sounds good. Is this like some sort of date or a rescue attempt born out of pity?"  
  
"A date, our first official date I guess."  
Fine  
A/N: I know this is long and probably boring but I had to get it off my mind. The title and the lines come from a wonderful song called 'Dark dawn' by an Italian pop group, the Susbsonica. I know the lyrics don't fit that well with the story but it was actually inspired by them. And keep in mid that I translated them from Italian so much of their magic is lost due to the poor translation. Sorry! 


End file.
